Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Virginia Vacation: Part 2 (finally)

And now, the rest of the story….

Screw You, I’ve been busy….
Also, since it’s been over two weeks now, my events are probably out of order cause my memory sucks.
Example: One story I forgot to mention, at the end of day 2, we went to Walmart and my 3 yr old was accosted by Corky from Life Goes On.
Here’s how it went down.
I’m standing at the end of the toy isle where my daughter is playing.  I see the Down’s Syndrome dude coming up the isle.  He’s smiling, like they do, and seeming friendly.  Then he stops his cart right be my daughter, reaches down and grabs her shoulders/neck area and does what I perceive as tickling while laughing.  My daughter looks back at him like “WTF!” Then, he moves on just as quick.
Normally, I’m real protective of my cubs.  Especially her.  But I didn’t see anything wrong with it, and neither did she.  At first.  After he left, she started to freak out.  She started wimpering and saying, “The yellow man (his shirt color, not skin color) chokeled me.”
I tried to calm her down, and assure her that he was just playing and trying to tickle her cause she is so cute.  But she was adamant that he “chokeled” her.  I felt terrible.  I stood there and watched and didn’t do anything.  It happened so quick.  Plus, what could I do?  I’m pretty sure beating up a Down’s kid is a hate crime, regardless the reason.
AnyCorky…
Day 3
More Rain.
Did I mention the Hotel had kickass continental breakfasts?
I think I gained 50 lbs that trip.  Just ask my pants.
We spent the morning driving around Big Stone, visited more relatives, and went to the Museum of Southwest Virginia. 


We stopped at a McDonald’s up the mountain for lunch.  Cause the fries taste better at altitude.
Then we headed back to the hotel for rest and a swim.
I took the kids swimming while my wife and mom took a nap.  Cause I’m an AWESOME husband/father/son.  And cause women are lazy.
The 3yr occupies most of my time in the pool, as the boys can swim pretty good.  I just have to keep an occasional eye out to make sure they don’t drown one another.
While with the 3 yr old, the following conversation took place:
*3 yr old daughter gets out of pool and proceeds to run around pool*
Me: “Don’t run honey! You’ll f….”
*She falls hard on her butt and side*
Me: “I tried to tell you not to run. Its slick around the pool and you will fall.”
*she looks at me like I’m Mr. Obvious*
Her: “Yeah.”
Me: “Are you okay.”
Her: “Yeah. Ouch.”
*she slowly makes her way back into the pool via the steps*
Her: “I have some owies now.”
Me: “Awww…poor baby.”
*I notice a visible red abrasion on her forearm*
Me: “Do you want me to kiss it and make it feel better?”
Her: “Yes!”
*She holds up her arm & I kiss it*
Her: “And here.”
*she holds up you foot & I kiss it*
Her: “And here.”
*She holds up you palm & I kiss it*
Her: “AND HERE!”
*She points to a big red mark on her butt cheek*
Me: “I’m NOT kissing your booty.”
Her: “COME ON! It’ll be fun!”
Me: “Uhh, no, not for me.”
*she grabs my chin and looks me in the eye like she’s trying some magical toddler hypnosis*
She: “Do you hear me?”
Me: “I’m still not kissing it.”

That evening, my cousins had orchestrated a family get together around an excellent feast. 







Did I mention the extra 50 lbs?
It was great to see everyone.  Some I hadn’t seen in 20 years, and a few I’d only seen on Facebook.  Sad, I know.
Day 4
This was our last official day in Virginia.
We spent it sightseeing.
We went to the Natural Tunnel State Park, which also is where the legendary Lover’s Leap is located.




 I tried talking the wife into recreating history (ladies first, of course), but she said no. Obviously, she’s racist against history. 

We also drove up to High Knob, which is one of the highest scenic overviews in that part of the state.
About half way up to High Knob, we hit snow.  Thankfully, being from Indiana, driving in snow doesn’t bother me.
Driving in snow on a narrow winding-ass mountain road is a bit different.  But we made it.
Day 5
We woke up, packed, and headed back.
Our last official stop was at the ORIGINAL Kentucky Fried Chicken place in Corbin, KY. 

My 12 yr old is a huge fan of KFC drumsticks, so this stop was for him.  But it was pretty cool to see all the historical stuff they have there.
Back on the road, we hit a traffic jam between Lexington and Cincinnati.
And not just any traffic jam.  I’m talking, dead stopped, people out of their cars walking around, traffic for miles and miles cause the interstate is closed, traffic jam.
It had evidently been that way for hours. We were only in it for about an hour.  Somebody said it was multiple wrecks with an overturned vehicle or something.
Eventually, we made it home.
The end.

5 comments:

Joshua said...

We had the same kind of thing happen between Macon and Savannah over Labor Day weekend. Traffic just stopped. 98 minutes to go 3 miles, then 80 mph suddenly. Glad you made it back safe, if a little less sane.

Coffeypot said...

Glad you had a good time and you didn't get into kiss your daughters ass...they only do that legally in Alabama...and some Parishes.

Sarah Pearson said...

I'm glad you got to catch up with family. It's one of those things we always say we want to do, but never seem to get round to.

Momma Fargo said...

Great trip...especially for the kids and your mom, I am sure. Thanks for sharing. Loved the Ed humor along the way.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I'm sorry dude, I know you said a lot of funny words there and there were photos of you being shorter than everyone like a tiny wee gnome (hee!) but seriously...HIGH KNOB? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? :) That is AWESOME. I want to sit on high knob. Anything with "knob" in it is automatically heeeeeelarious.

BlogCatalog

Humor & Funny Blogs - BlogCatalog Blog Directory