Most days, I like to ride my bike back to work after lunch.
It gives me some exercise that sitting behind a desk all day doesn’t.
And, with the way gas prices are, it prevents me from having to sell that extra kidney.
There’s this old railroad line that has been converted into a recreational pathway called “The Cardinal Greenway” which runs near my house.
It takes me almost all the way back to work.
Well, through my sunglasses it looks more like this…
It has flowers, trees, wildlife, and no cars. It’s quite lovely and makes for a pleasant ride.
It is also quite close to Indiana Wesleyan University.
Meaning it’s not uncommon to see college girls out jogging.
I appreciate the finer things in life.
One day last week, while returning to work, I encountered a group of hot college girls out jogging.
They, OF COURSE, noticed me and were smitten.
::stating the obvious::
Out of NOWHERE….
Something hits me RIGHT.BETWEEN.THE.EYES!!!!
I’m guessing by the force of impact, it looked something like this…
“Ed”, you might say, “You’re not even anywhere close to Australia OR California!”
EXACTLY my point!
These things are ruthless in their endeavor to make me look a fool.
Just like that bird that hit Fabio in the face on that rollercoaster.
Birds have NO respect for perfection!
“But Ed,” you might add, “pterodactyls went extinct 65 million years ago!”
HA! They said the same thing about the Coelacanth until some Japanese fisherman caught one. Now those things are turning up everywhere.
Granted, they aren’t hitting people in their faces. But that’s because they are fishes, NOT cool dude-hating birds.
“But Ed,” you might ask, “You said you were just ‘guessing’ it was a wombat/pterodactyl/condor thingy. Do you mean you aren’t sure or you didn’t see it?”
Well, the last thing I remember seeing was this…
Which is CLEARLY a wombat/pterodactyl/condor hybrid! Case closed!
Regardless, the moment was ruined.
The girls watched as I was assaulted by nature.
I, however, remained calm and rode on like it was nothing more than a tiny gnat.
Because I’m cool like that.
I won’t lie though. That shit HURT.
P.S. I recounted this story for the wife later. She, after laughing uncontrollably for what I thought was an obscenely and offensively long amount of time, said, “THAT is what you GET for smiling at other women! You didn’t know I had wombadactyldors on my payroll, did you?!”
Touche, wife. Touche.