My comments in Blue, as always.
World's largest stove destroyed — by fire
Detroit (AP) - A fire has destroyed the world's largest stove, a Michigan landmark standing at the Michigan state fairgrounds.
Built by the Michigan Stove Company, it was first displayed at the World's Fair in Chicago in 1893.
The oak stove weighed 15 tons and stood 25 feet high. It was a total loss.
Irony of the Week?
Cop arrested for DUI — while driving to funeral
Denver (AP) - Authorities say two Colorado police officers took a wild, drunken ride through Wyoming on their way to a funeral in South Dakota.
A volunteer firefighter on Wednesday spotted a police car from Aurora, Colo., driving erratically down Highway 85 in Goshen County. The car reportedly was speeding, using emergency lights to pass other vehicles and trash was flying out of its window.
Goshen County Sheriff's Capt. Brian Morehouse said the two men were heading to the funeral of two police officers recently killed in South Dakota.
Morehouse said he had clocked them driving at 57 mph in a 40 mph zone and then smelled alcohol and found beer in a cooler inside the car when he stopped them.
Way to set an example fellas!
They say, in times of tragedy...*hiccup*...in times of tragedy, you see a person's...*hiccup*...a person's true col...*hiccup*....what was I saying?
Iowa man tries to lure teen and gets mom's fist instead
Des Moines, IOWA (CBS/AP) - Polk County police sources say that Robert C. Harding tried to lure a 13-year-old girl into an alley near where she was playing with friends outside her home. Instead the smart-thinking teenager went to get her mom who confronted Harding.
Police say that when the girl's mother, Holly Pullen, confronted Harding he asked how old the girl was and whether he could marry her or would she be interested in signing the girl away.
"I got down to the alley and I confronted him. I said, 'Why are you staring at the kids?' and he looks at me and says, 'I want to marry the red head.' I came unglued at that point. I was like 'Dude, she's only 13 and that's my daughter,'" Pullen told the station.
Police said Pullen punched Harding in the face (KICK ASS, MOM!). Then the girl's father and one of his friends chased Harding and fought with him.
By the time police arrived at Fremont Street, the fight was over. Police questioned Harding who allegedly told them that he was trying to get the girl into the alley so he could "marry her and sex her." (WTF? Who talks like that nowadays?)
Everybody knows, "You don't go messin' with a momma bear's cubs".
Robbers Beat Man & Steal His Bible
New York (AP) - Authorities are looking for three muggers who punched and kicked a Bronx man before stealing his Bible.
Wait till they read the part about stealing.
Also, the Gideons are clearly missing a few people.
Motorised beer cooler lands driver in court
Sydney (Reuters) - An Australian man had his driving licence suspended for 10 months and was fined after he was caught driving a scooter made of a motorised beer cooler capable of carrying several dozen drinks -- after knocking back a few.
The unconventional scooter featured a cooler box mounted on a wheeled frame and powered by a 50 cc engine, complete with a steering handlebar. The cooler doubled as a driver's seat and was able to hold up to 48 bottles of beer.
Chris Petrie, 23 and from the northeastern state of Queensland, bought the vehicle over the internet for $A600 (383 pounds) (That's a lot in non-American money.). While assembling it at a friend's house the two sampled a few beers before Petrie decided to drive it home, according to a local television station.
He was caught by the police en route and found to be more than three times over Australia's legal blood alcohol limit, and was charged with drink driving ("Drink" driving? Is that the same as drunk driving?) and driving without a licence (Hey, Buddy! You got a license to drive that cooler?!").
In court, the judge asked if the cooler was fully loaded ("No, Your Honor, but the driver was. Hahaha") and was told it was full of canned rum and Cokes, Network Ten added. The sentence included an A$500 fine.
Scooter - Australian for beer...cooler.
Ore. mother gets probation in home circumcision
Portland (AP) - An Oregon woman who tried to circumcise her 3-month-old son at home after reading the Old Testament and watching YouTube videos has been sentenced to five years of probation. (YouTube? Seriously? Since when does that qualify as Med School, much less a reliable source?)
Keemonta Peterson pleaded guilty to first-degree criminal mistreatment. The 30-year-old Portland woman must also undergo mental health treatment. (I should HOPE so!)
Peterson called 911 and the boy was rushed to a hospital last October after her botched effort left the infant bleeding uncontrollably and in intense pain. (THERE'S a fun childhood story to tell. That mom can forget ever having a good relationship with her future daughter-in-law.) A prosecutor says he has fully recovered.
The Oregonian reports the boy and his three siblings are in the state's care, although Peterson can see them under supervision.
Multnomah County Circuit Judge Eric Bergstrom told Peterson on Monday that "the reality is you love your children and had absolutely no intent to harm your child." (You just accidently almost made him a her. WTF!)
The only acceptable answer here is HELL YES.
Man who peed on girl on JetBlue flight tossed off US ski team
Vietze admitted to cops that he had consumed eight alcoholic drinks before boarding JetBlue Flight 166.
Vietze was later issued a citation and has been charged with indecent exposure, a misdemeanor, by the Brooklyn US Attorney's Office. He faces up to one year behind bars.
Soon after takeoff, Vietze stumbled from his seat five rows behind the child and emptied his bladder onto the girl, who was briefly left alone while her dad and sister were in restrooms.
"I was drunk, and I did not realize I was pissing on her leg," the 6-foot-4, 195-pound Vietze later told cops, according to law-enforcement sources.
The girl's father, a Stage 4 cancer patient, caught Vietze midstream and tried to wipe him out.
"F--k that kid. I don't want him near my family!" he yelled.
Vietze slurred that he had suffered "an accident," according to another passenger.
Flight attendants ultimately intervened and had to separate the men.
Clearly a fan of R.Kelly.
Desperate French actor Depardieu urinates on plane
Paris (NEWSCORE) - France's biggest film star Gerard Depardieu was thrown off a plane after urinating in front of fellow passengers when cabin crew refused to let him use the bathroom.
The 62-year-old actor was caught short on a delayed flight from Paris to Dublin on Tuesday evening as the jet taxied, but his demands to be allowed out of his seat fell on deaf ears, according to another traveler speaking to French radio station Europe 1 on Wednesday morning.
"Je veux pisser, je veux pisser," implored Depardieu, according to Daniele, who was among the 127 passengers on board the Air France jet left reeling by the antics of the giant of the French screen.
"The attendant said 'I'm sorry, you'll have to wait fifteen minutes, [when] we'll be in flight. The toilets are locked'," Daniele added. Depardieu said he could not wait, unzipped his pants and proceeded to urinate on the carpet.
"You could tell he'd been drinking," the disgusted passenger claimed.
The jet was forced to return to the gate and was delayed for over an hour as ground crew cleaned up the mess. Depardieu was escorted off the plane along with his two traveling companions and their luggage.
WTF! TWO pissing on a plane stories!
Is this some kind of trend? Or a new club? The Mile High Urinal Club?
Woman, 24, beat girl, 12, for eyeing boyfriend, say Conn. cops
New Brandford, Conn. (CBS/AP) - A 24-year-old Connecticut woman is charged with assaulting a 12-year-old girl.
Police say the 24-year-old woman believed the 12-year-old girl was eyeing her 30-year-old boyfriend. (Jealous much?)
The Hartford Courant reports that Candice Kiley, of New Haven, was charged Tuesday in connection with the July 23 attack. According to police, Kiley was attending a family birthday party when she grabbed the 12-year-old by the hair and threw her to the floor. Police said the girl then suffered an asthma attack.
Police said Kiley's boyfriend was in the kitchen cleaning up a spill when the "woman v. girl" confrontation took place.
Kiley was charged with third-degree assault, disorderly conduct and risk of injury to a minor.
Come on! Pick on someone half your age!