Friday, May 20, 2011

Facebook Is The Devil!!! Part 2...(Status Updates)

Status updates.
Why?
Do we really need to know what you are doing every second of every day?
Who do you think you are?

“Just got gas at the Quickmart. Gas rocks!”
Seriously, unless you just got gas for only $1.29 a gallon, I don’t give a fart.

“Just ran 5 miles on my treadmill. Feel the burn!”
Only 500 more miles until you lose that fat gut/ass!
Maybe then, you won’t be too embarrassed to run OUTDOORS!

 Then there’s the auto-status updates:
“Shaniqua just changed her profile pic.” or “Tommy just scored 5 billion on Wordscratch!”
They should say, “Shaniqua wants to show off a new hairstyle in hopes of attracting a man” or “Tommy needs a life or more stuff to do at work”.

And is it just me, or has the status update also become the online version of the My Kids A Honor Student bumper sticker?
“Little Timmy just hit a Grand slam in T-ball. This following his 5 touchdown performance in Flag Football last Saturday! So proud!”
It’s T-ball and flag football! They get trophies for just showing up!
Knock off the my-kids-better-than-yours routine.

“Little Jenny got all A’s on her report card!”
Good for her. Those grades will totally help distract people from her wonk eye and braces.
Unless she’s discovered a cure for cancer and the economy, STFU!

PLEASE! Can we stop with the constant status updates about useless crap?
That’s what Twitter is for.
Instead, let’s go back to using Facebook status updates for what it was meant for.
Like spreading gossip and rumors.
Excuse me, but now I have to go update my status that I am posting this blog post.

8 comments:

Mrs. Pickle said...

So what would you say if I were on your friend list on fib and posted “I just got done masturbating with my triple delight vibrator 4G300? It was so great that I even called out my own name!” What would be your comment on that?


picklesinmyass.blogspot.com

Ed said...

As you were.

Jewels said...

and that right there is why I have stopped using FB all together. Still have the account but am never on.

Then again, without updates like that we wouldn't have your page captures of your snide comments on their status! hehe.

Pat said...

I agree. Who cares if someone updated their profile? Or went to the bathroom?

And as far as those bumper stickers, "Proud parent of an honor roll student"? I've always laughed at the one that said, "My kid beat up your honor roll student."

Say, you know where I could pick up one of those "triple delight 4G300's"? Just saying....

Greg said...

I agree with you Ed and twitter isn't much better. Don't go on either of them anymore!

Just posted a comment on Ed's funny pages.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

You grumpy old effer, Eddie. :)

You're right of course. This is why I don't do FB. Because I'm so much better than everyone else and my updates would be epic. (maybe)

I have recently joined the twatters (spelled correctly) but so far don't see what the freaking POINT is at all...

Momma Fargo said...

Yet some of us still have those silly pages and just can't delete them. However...I was so proud of myself..the all powerful...delete your page button was AWESOME. Now I don't have to listen to anyone leave me messages like...I pooped and I forgot I ate corn...up there in line with the honor roll braggarts.

Joshua said...

I have to admit, most of my status updates are shit my kids say. Like this one from The Girl as we were driving through Daytona Beach on the way home Saturday: "I think this is where God takes people to die."

She'll be 4 next month. That's a fucking brilliant observation.

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