Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Merry Suicidemas!!!

Tis’ the season to be jolly and merry and stuff.
Your days are bound to be filled with an abundance of Christmas spirit.
Unless you’re Jewish.
Then it’s just another Saturday for doing nothing.
And eating Chinese.
For everyone else, there will be lots of presents.
And spending time with family.
And suicides.
Which might be explained by the one I mentioned before it.
They do go up around this time of year. Just sayin’.
Since I’m feeling festive, I have a suggestion.
How about, instead of offing yourself this year, you gift wrap those pills and give them to a homeless person?
If anyone should be considering a way out, it’s them.
And don’t you want to help those in need?
Where’s your Christmas Spirit?
In all seriousness, don’t do it.
Not only do pills cost money, which means the homeless would probably just sell them for booze, but giving them away is illegal.
Besides, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
No one should even consider it.
Unless you’re terminal or homeless, then it makes sense.
But you still shouldn’t do it.
Think about the people who would have to clean up afterwards, you selfish bastard.
Don’t ruin their holiday!
(I see a lot of this in my job, and it pisses me off. If you’re on edge, get help! Or at least pick a different time of year.)
P.S. I was in a suicide prevention meeting at work the other day (which I obviously slept through, given the above post), and when they were reporting the leading methods of suicide, they listed them as follows:
1.  Overdose of prescription drugs.
2.  Overdose of recreational drugs.
 3. Overdose of firearms.

This left me with a couple of questions.
First, what’s the acceptable dose for a firearm?
Secondly, when I think of recreation, I think of fun. Not dying.
Are these drugs really THAT recreational?
Merry Christmas! :)

13 comments:

Barb said...

Well, I feel like offing myself when I don't see my blog or name on other peoples' lists! Sure, put Coffeypot on there. No, I'm not bitter. Just suicidal.
Bye.
Forever.
JK. :) (in case you were seriously worried)

Moooooog35 said...

Dude.

That wasn't a suicide prevention meeting.

It was an intervention.

Mrsblogalot said...

Overdosing on firearms at Christmas... what's the matter with people?



Can you pass the soy sauce?

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Yeah, this is my first Christmas as a 911 dispatcher and I'm seeing a lot of it, from actual 'done the deed' folks to BOLOs for suicidal people who headed out with a full tank of gas and a weapon in an unknown direction, to the guy who called the other night and after being told his local police were currently off duty and refusing to give us his name, location, or phone number (he was calling from a cell so we couldn't get ANY of those things passively) he said "Well, if I don't ever talk to yas again, you do a great job...I love yas....goodbye!"

I think I'd rather have the Chinese food. Though where I live even the Chinese people are Christians and their restaurants are closed on 12/25. Which sucks a little, because I have to work.

Kristine said...

I was trying to explain to my husband last night that Christmas is supposed to be FUN FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

He replied, "A happy Christmas is as real as Santa Claus."

Then he ate a baby.

Steve Finnell said...

you are invited to follow my blog

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

Looks like things are looking up for you. You've been invited to follow Steve Finnell's blog. I'm sure that is much like winning the Publishing Clearinghouse Sweepstakes or something. You can put the razor blades down now...

Momma Fargo said...

I checked out Steve Finnell's blog. He has a lot of followers, 1302, to be exact. I think it's because he is linked to the Sword and the Staff. I'd like to link to those, too. Oh wait, we were talking about suicides. Shit.

otherworldlyone said...

Oh, Ed. You're so sensitive and caring.

Cut *this* way for attention.

The Blue Zoo said...

Um, yea, so Im thinking you probably shouldnt volunteer for the suicide prevention hotline.

And you must be pretty damned special to get that special invite to Steves blog. (So, did you follow him?? LOL)

Matty said...

Sounds like the the firearms overdose immediately follows the drug overdoses.

MataHari said...

I don't get suicidal people, even though I was one many years ago. Or yesterday. But really, how does anyone know where they'll end up? What if you off yourself and then end up having to haunt the place you were trying to escape? Instead of living with and dealing with the stupid people, you just have to follow them around slamming doors and moving chairs and scaring the shit out of...wait, that could actually be quite fun.
But no, suicide is not good. And you're right...TOTALLY inconsiderate for the people who have to clean up after.

The Lissst! said...

Suicide is like Masterbation. It's....K,I had a punchline somewhere here.
Umm...Shit.

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