Friday, July 16, 2010

More Crazy Crap From My Demented Brain

Why is it okay to put a sign in your yard that says free puppies or free kittens, but not free babies?

Why is it that if your offer to mow the neighbor yard, that’s considered being neighborly, but if you offer to sleep with his wife, it’s not?

Why do both coffee and farts come from beans?......Could I open a store called Fartbucks?

The more you spend on a new TV, the better the picture gets. Why doesn’t that principle work with mirrors?

Shouldn’t the sticky tape side of a ladies panty liner be called the padlock?

Why aren’t copy machines called plagiarizers?

If I set my clock backwards or forwards an hour for daylight saving time, does that count as time travel?

If I turn my head from side to side while cheering for my favorite team, does that make me an oscillating fan?

If I ask a bunch of questions, why am I a questioner instead of an askerer?

16 comments:

Heather said...

Your brain makes me smile. Thanks for the laugh!

Hillbilly Duhn said...

LOL!

The Blue Zoo said...

Fartbucks? LOl ew! Let me know how that works out for ya.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

If I turn my head from side to side while cheering for my favorite team, does that make me an oscillating fan?, actually translates as:

"If I, Ed, spent as much time thinking of these clever observations as I do dreaming about sportsmen's bottoms, would this still make me gay?"

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

Ha...love it.

And actually, you might have some luck with our neighbor's wife. I have a sneaking suspicion they're swingers...

Kimi said...

From this point on...I am counting daylight savings as time travel. In face, if I just even change the time on my watch...I'm gonna count that as time travel too.

Alicia said...

the fartbucks was hilarious....the oscillating fan however, pure genius!

June said...

Fartbucks - go for it dude!

My brother sports a sign in his front yard that says "EXEMPT"
Best yard sign I have seen in years.

Matty said...

If you made these up yourself, you're a comedic genius. You should do stand-up.

Barb said...

you are too funny, Ed!

ScoMan said...

Because if you set kittens or puppies free the worst they might do is pee or poop on the carpet.

If you set babies free they would cause all kinds of terror. Babies are dangerous and they do not deserve their freedom.

They should be locked up in their cribs and playpens like the tiny criminals they are!

BlackLOG said...

A branch of Fartbucks opened over here recently. They give you underwear to collect loyalty skidds. 12 and you get a fee silent but deadly, 24 and you get to keep the underwear and given a free life time ban....

Coffeypot said...

Ed, you are having a slow day at work aren't you? But I do like the idea of mowing down you neighbors wife. And at Fartbucks, will you be passing out asswipes, too?

The Office Scribe said...

I love random musings. It's like fortune cookies from your brain.

Pat said...

Too bad your IQ wasn't a little higher....just THINK of the shit you could come up with! You would be a bazillionaire!

Tamara aka Cheapskate Mom said...

OMG Ed. You are too much! ha! Padlock? LMAO =)

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