Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Makes J.Lo Seem Tiny

Asses be huge!

There used to be a time when there was such a thing called “Blackgirl Booty”.

In a way, Dr. King’s dream has finally come true…….because junk in the trunk knows no race.

I saw a white lady the other day who looked average. From the waist up.
And from across the counter.

After turning the corner, I was like, “DAMN!”

Lady’s ass was taking up the whole isle.

She didn’t have saddlebags…..she has saddle-DUMPSTERS!

Lately, I see that kind of buffet-hoarding bootilage everywhere.

How does the gluttony settle ONLY there?

I mentioned to a certain someone the other day that a lady walked by my office door and her ass looked like 2 pigs fighting under a blanket.

Then, just yesterday, I was following another lady down the hallway.

I was FOLLOWING……because I COULD NOT PASS her.

Her butt stretched from handrail to handrail.

During that tedious journey down the hall, I imagined it must be what elephants experience in their single-file treks across the African Savannah.

I was very thankful I would not be required to curl my trunk around her tail.

Then I was distracted by the Asian-like symbol tattooed on the back of her neck.

I can only assume it was either Chinese for “Wide Load”……or it gave her Gross Weight in Tonnage.

I know some people struggle with their weight, and for various reasons.

You eat because you’re depressed and you’re depressed because you eat.

Or your Thyroid is a lazy piece of shit which causes you to be also.

I am not busting on fat people in general. This time.

I am taking about proportions. Symmetry, if you will.

If you got more at the back than you do at the front, that’s an unbalanced load.

If your bottom is bigger than your top, maybe it’s time to start standing on your head.

Let gravity be your friend. Not the All-You-Can-Eat special.


Hillbilly Duhn said...

LMAO! Okay, yours is MUCH funnier than mine!!

Hey, how come nobody commented - this was some funny shit. I like the Chinese symbol for Wide Load...I choked on my coffee...

The Princess of Sarcasm said... really need to quit stalking me. I can't help that my waist is tiny and my ass is large. It took me a while to realize why all the brothers hit on me in school. (Yes, I was one of those smart kids who were low on common sense/street smarts.)


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