Friday, May 28, 2010

What's in a Name?!?!?

OMG, I totally missed it.

I did my 200th post this week and kept right on going without recognizing it.

Judging by the lack of cards, well wishes, and cash gifts, all you assholes missed it too.

Thanks. Jerks.

Guess that makes us even for the time when I promised a hugely embarrassing TMI post once I hit 100 followers, then chickened out.

Now I have over 200 followers and my balls are just as small. (Figuratively speaking of course.) (Literally speaking, they are more like grapefruits.)


That reminds me of the AD we had in High School.

That guy used to have the worst guy-cameltoe in history.

I don’t know if he just wore boxers all the time with his too tight dress slacks, or if he really WAS hiding grapefruits down there, but he would always end up sitting somewhere in front of the congregated student body with his legs spread wide showing off his enormous balls, which were thinly veiled by khaki material, for all to see.

We nicknamed him, “Ole Pignuts”.

And THAT reminds me of other unfortunate nicknames from High School.

Like the girl who got nicknamed “Hotdog”, after her embarrassing trip to the ER, to have the broken off section retrieved from her body, after an illicit encounter with a frozen hotdog.

Some guy’s mom worked in the ER, and while trying to get her son to stay away from said girl (who was obviously looking for some “attention” in that area), she inadvertently let the dog out of the bun, and that poor girl was branded with a nickname that followed her through the rest of school.

There was also a girl who was given the nickname “Roastbeef”, due to the appearance of her female genitalia.

Nobody felt quite as sorry for her, since she was in the habit of exposing that region to so many many MANY viewers.

Which probably also explained how it got that appearance.

We also had a guy named “Crusty”.

He either had some tooth disease that made them brittle, or just ate too much candy. I can’t remember now.

I just remember that when he smiled, he had a mouth full of jaggedy spike-like teeth.

There was also “Smelly Donnie”. That one is pretty self explanatory.

Needless to say, Smelly D could clear out the locker room after gym class just upon his arrival.
He never showered after class.

Maybe never at all.

He had some reason he couldn’t shower at school.

Regardless, he was eventually given an involuntary shower by several of his classmates who had decided that they could no longer endure the repeated raping of their olfactory senses.

Said showering included him being carried into the showers fully clothed, and scrubbed with SOS and Brilllo pads that were brought from home for the occasion.

Pretty sure he didn’t stink much after that. I think he must have gotten the point.

I had many nicknames myself, but not one in particular.

There was Fast Eddy in T-ball and coaches pitch.

That’s because I ran around the bases like lightening.

Well, when I wasn’t stopping at each base to retie my shoes. (Thanks for the extra long shoelaces, Mom.)

There was Fiz Ed, my rap name.

They call me Fiz Ed because I’m physical.
Rappin’ & Rhymin’ the mike because I’m lyrical

That’s all I remember. But as you can see, I had seriously sweet skills.

And there was Mr. Ed.

For….ummm….non-tooth related reasons.


Moooooog35 said...

We had a girl nicknamed "Crusty Roastbeef Hotdog."

You don't even want to know.

Coffeypot said...

There was the girl we called ‘Tex’ because one night a couple of guys were gonna get some, but she was having her period. She was in the backseat and ripped her Kotex off and slung it over her head to throw it out of the window…but the window was up and it stuck and slid down. She also got the reputation of being ‘The One’. She gave more boys their ‘First one’ than there were in school. She was well known. And she was in the 10th grade at the time. She is a mother of three and grandmother, now. But she will always be Tex to us.

adrienzgirl said...

There was a girl in our high school nicknamed "The Goat". She was very popular with the boys at parties. They also called her "The Mattress". Apparently when she hit the mattress she made noises that people thought sounded like a goat. Poor girl, I don't even know what her real name was.

I love the duct taped Duck. Very nice indeed.

adrienzgirl said...

Oh...I forgot the best one. We had a girl who whose intials were A.T. (first and last name). She was as "popular" with the boys as The Goat. She got the nickname, AT&T.
Her name and twat. Nice eh?

SurferWife said...

And now I have fondly nicknamed you shitleg.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Man,,, you didn't the cheese and summer sausage tray I sent? That damn Hickory Farm- I swear if their meat wasn't soo good and they didn't have those cute little strawberry candies in the wrappers that make them look like actual strawberries I'da....@&&!%$#

June said...

Ole Pignuts... think I saw him wearing a speedo on my last vacation. First it was: HOLY BALLS - are those real??
Then it was: WARD, check out that man's balls!!!

Mr.Ed you have made me laugh again - Thanks!

Pat said...

Okay, so a big congrats on the 200th post. I'm clapping here. Do you hear me?

My brother went to school with a guy name Harry Armpits. I kid you not.

aladdinsane12 said...

I had a friend named Krusty, too, but with a "k". Now he's a DJ that makes music using Gameboys...

ScoMan said...

I send you an email for R0l3x Repl1cas to congratulate you on your 200th post and this is the thanks I get?

Australians aren't quite so creative with our nicknames.

For example, you would have been Eddy. Or Adams.

Donnie would have been Donny.

If your name works with a "Y" on the end of it, that's your nickname. Your surname is also your nickname.

If your name doesn't work with a "Y" on the end of it, your surname is your nickname. If your surname works with a "Y" on the end of it that might be your nickname too.

Momma Fargo said...

I guess that $1,000 gift certificate I sent via Pony Express didn't get there, either. Oh, well...some poor schmuck is probably enjoying it.

Congrats on the 200 plus followers and 200 plus posts.

And the duck looks much better duct (duck) taped.

Momma Fargo said...

I guess that $1,000 gift certificate I sent via Pony Express didn't get there, either. Oh, well...some poor schmuck is probably enjoying it.

Congrats on the 200 plus followers and 200 plus posts.

And the duck looks much better duct (duck) taped.

Anonymous said...

With a hotdog?!?! GROSS!

Mad Woman said...

Geez....a hotdog?? First, how did a frozen hotdog not stick to everything and second..eww!

I love the duct taped duck!

Forgotten said...

I like the duct taped duck, too. Nice.

You must have been called Mister Ed from licking peanut butter off of Moooog...*double burn*

You mean you didn't get the jar of Skippy I sent? Damn. UPS must have been wanting to race the "brown truck". It'll probably come in later. Just make sure it still has the seal around the lid. ;-)

WhisperingWriter said...

Okay, now I'll never look at hot dogs the same way again.


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