After this time.
So, the vasectomy went great.
As far as someone cutting on your junk can go.
My wife reasoned with me before hand, that making the doctor laugh during the procedure would probably not be to my benefit.
I agreed with this sound logic and therefore kept my jokes to myself.
Just so you know, myself was totally busting a gut at my funny.
The doctor was very nice and gentle.
The nurse was pretty.
She also was very loving of my cleanly shorn balls, and rolled them around in her hands playfully.
She even gave Little Ed a nice rub and tug beforehand.
Which is a total lie, because the wife was sitting there the whole time.
But she wanted too, because I could see it in her eyes, and it looked huge.
When they started, I felt a slight pinch when the first needle went in.
Then, as the doc was working on the left side, I felt my back and left leg cramp up, and my toes started curling.
I think she had ahold of the wrong cord or something.
Anyway, she put a little more numbing in and it was good to go.
The whole thing took about 45 minutes.
Afterwards, it just felt like I got kicked in the crotch.
Or for you ladies out there, imagine really bad menstrual cramps, but worse because I’m a guy and not used to that once a month stuff.
Then, I spent the weekend lying around and using a bag of frozen peas (Which I will be secretly serving to the entire extended family on Christmas Eve…..sssshhhhhh!) for comfort.
The wife got a front row seat for the entire procedure, since it was taking place in her purse.
Her reaction was, “That was a lot worse than I thought it was going to be. They really downplayed it, but that was WAY worse. I didn’t realize they were going to be taking things out and putting them back in like that. You poor baby.”
Then she bought me a Blizzard at DQ because I was such a good boy.
Moral of the story, Guys?...Make sure your wife goes in and watches the whole procedure for big sympathy points.
As an aside: The wife and I were puzzled as to why they kept stressing ,“You are not sterile when you leave today!” ….Not only do they say that a bazillion times, but it’s printed on everything in giant bold letters……My wife even asked, “Do people actually go home and get busy right after having this done?”…..And they just kept saying that I was not sterile until they had 2 confirmed negative samples…..Ever the curious individual that I am, I went home and researched this phenomenon….Turns out, sperm can be stored downstream in the remaining tubes for 6 to 8 weeks afterwards, AND it takes approximately 15 to 20 ejaculations to clear the tubes!......I shared this info with the wife.
Her response……”Knock yourself out!”
Not exactly what I had in mind, but at least I now have permission.
So I spent part of this morning looking up remedies for “Dark Circles Under Eyes”, because evidently some people are scared by my Grim Reeperliness appearance in my vlog yesterday.
One person, who shall remain nameless…….okay, not really…..it was Dr. A, said, “Dude. What’s with the giant bags under your eyes? You need to lay off the late night porn and get some sleep.”
To which I replied, “It’s not the late night porn that won’t let me sleep. It’s the carpal tunnel syndrome CAUSED by the late night porn that won’t let me sleep. That shit be painful.”
I like to think of these dark circles as my own permanent Eye Black, because you never know when the coach is going to put you in the game, and like a good Boy Scout, I always be prepared, plus sun glare is a bitch.
Not to mention, it adds to my rugged good looks, which I just mentioned after I said I wouldn’t.
I’m part raccoon, is my point.
Don’t forget the real reason for the season.
God gave us his Son.
Regardless of whether we are celebrating it at the right time of year or not, it’s the principle that matters.
And if you’re Jewish, thanks for ignoring that Jesus guy, and opening the door for the rest of us.