Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Some Acceptable phrases with double meanings...

“Nice Try!”

Your response when your kid strikes out in coaches’ pitch = Acceptable

Your response to the giver of a horribly lame Christmas gift = Unacceptable, but funny

“Would you like those in a cup or a cone?”

Question asked when ordering ice cream = Acceptable

Question asked when helping Madonna decide how to cover her breasts on stage = Also Acceptable

“What’s that smell?”

Heard while working in a mortuary = Acceptable

Heard while in bed with spouse = Not so much

“Someday maybe.”

Your response to your kid asking when they’ll be able to drive = Acceptable.

Your response to your kid asking when they’ll be able to eat = Sad, just sad.

“I’m pregnant!”

Said by your wife = Acceptable

Said by your teenage daughter = Dead teenage boyfriend

Said by your teenage wife who also happens to be your daughter = You live in Kentucky

“It’s all backed up.”

When talking about your commute to work = Acceptable

When talking about your bowels at work = TMI

“I got this especially for you.”

When giving someone a Christmas gift = Acceptable

When giving someone an STD = FAIL

“Does this look good on me?”

When trying on new clothes = Acceptable

When trying on a chicken suit = Awkward

“This is Uncle Earl.”

When introducing a man at your family reunion = Acceptable

When introducing a woman at your family reunion = Awkward

“Man that’s HUGE!”

When looking at your new TV = Acceptable

When looking at your wife’s ass = Fight

“That’s a cool mustache!”

Said to guy at work = Acceptable

Said to girl at prom = Tears

“Do you need a ride home?”

Said to a hitchhiker = Acceptable

Said to a Girl Scout = Jail

36 comments:

GingerMandy said...

well that is just fucking awesome.

Tamara aka Cheapskate Mom said...

Just don't take that hitch hiker to a rest stop...you know what happens at rest stops...don't you? hehe

adrienzgirl said...

You managed to incorporate Madonna's breasts, a mortuary, gas(dutch oven), teenage pregnancy, STDs, a chicken suit, your wife's ass, family reunions, prom, hitchhikers and Kentucky in one post.

Nice! WIN!

mepsipax said...

That was awesome
After your blog= acceptable
After sex= even better
After a funeral= insensitive jerk.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Man that's huge is also acceptable when your date pulls down their pants or takes off their shoes.

carissajaded said...

More specifically..."I got this especially for you" when you're giving someone a hooker who has an STD for Christmas. Unacceptable. Keep em clean!

Love this post!

justsomethoughts... said...

most excellent stuff
and now that you asked, yes. i'm pregnant.

Travis said...

I wonder if I should leave you a crazy ass comment like you left me?

My vegetables like shampoo in the sewer pond where North Carolina coach Roy Williams shaves butter beans in Tuesday.

There.

Arizona Mamma said...

Okay, I have been sitting here staring at the blank comment box trying to come up with something other than, "that's funny." But WTF? It IS funny.

ScoMan said...

I think there is an asterisks to go with one of these. I think it should read like this..

“I got this especially for you.”
When giving someone a Christmas gift = Acceptable
When giving someone* an STD = FAIL


*Unless that someone is someone you just found out has been cheating on you. Then it's the perfect revenge.

Dual Mom said...

yeah...what ginger said.

Ed Adams said...

GingerMandy: Well, effing Thanks!

Cheesecake: Probably not as well as you do. Hahahahahaha.

adrienzgirl: Thanks for recognizing my skillz!

mepsipax: Your comment = Awesome.

The Queen: I'm pretty sure your comment only works when talking to a female. Or a gay. So what are you trying to say?!?!Hey that ryhmes.

carissajaded: Best part about a present like that, it keeps on giving long after Christmas is over.

justsomethoughts: :O ...Is it mine?

Travis: Comment = FAIL
Nice Try!

Arizona Momma: That's a completely ACCEPTABLE response. Thanks.

ScoMan: How did I miss that? Thanks for the save.

Dual Mom: Thanks.

Moooooog35 said...

How did you know my prom date?

Hillbilly Duhn said...

LOL!

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

You are a slut to your friend: acceptable and funny
you are a slut to your boss:
fired.

just saying

Lily said...

I suspect that last one was learned through personal experience...

Ed Adams said...

Mooooog: EVERYBODY knew your prom date, if you know what I mean. Well, everybody but you.

HB Duhn: THX. Hey Duhn, I still can't comment on your blog from work. Fix that, will ya.

MODG: Or Promotion. Just depends on the boss.

Lily: You been taking to my probation officer again?

Sally-Sal said...

I'm gonna need more of these lists from you, Ed.

Ed Adams said...

Fouly: Anything for you, Sal. I might even have a spare kidney lying around here somewhere, if you need it.

Sally-Sal said...

Well, if that's the case, then I'm going to get myself an i.v. of beer for Christmas.

Daffy said...

I have a whole schlew (is that a word? NO? it is now....) of these you could use. I say YOU because if I did them I'd likely lose followers.....

Love this post!

kys said...

"= You live in KY." - It's funny because it's true!

I'm sending my non-blogger friends/readers to this post. (You know that non-bloggers who comment are The Holy Grail of the Blogosphere, right?)

hotpants™ said...

I live in TN, so I barely escaped the KY joke. *whew*

BeckEye said...

This has nothing to do with your post...

I was just going to say something mock-grumpy, because since you've been visiting my blog you've been just saying random grumpy things. But then I saw your profile pic and that Shiba Inu. And now I can't think of anything grumpy to say. I love those dogs.

Oh wait, I've got something grumpy.
BAH. There.

Amy said...

I don't think that, technically, you'd have to introduce your Uncle Earl at the family reunion. Odds are most everyone there knows or has known him... biblically.

Nikia, May and da kids said...

Ok my family is trying to move to Kentucky because we hear it's cheap and full of wide open spaces. Maybe we should stay with our first pick of Florida.

Thanks for the laughs. Mind if I follow??

May
check us out sometime

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