Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Dimpled Balls, Long Shafts, & Funny Pants

Golf. Nothing like the game of Golf. Where else do you get to drive on the lawn in a funny car, while wearing outrageous clothes, unless you work in the circus and wear a red nose. Granted the times and styles have changes. There are purists out there, who still seem to have an affinity for brightly colored, checkered pants.
I used to play golf regularly, but not lately. When I was playing, I would dress more conservatively or contemporary. However, I still appreciated seeing the purists in their Flamingo pink and orange pants.
Golf is definitely a man's game. Even a lot of the terms used in the game sound like things overheard around a men's urinal. In the interest of being non-offensive, I won't offer examples, but I am sure you can run through the list in your mind. Also, how many other games do you get better at the more you drink? Golf has to be near the top of that list.
Golf is a sport that can be played by anyone of any age. Just look at all the Golf courses in Florida. You thought it was because of the nice weather? Wrong. It's to give the people in God's waiting room something to do until their time comes. After all, one can only play so much Shuffleboard, which really isn't even a sport.
I used to hate golf, until I played. I didn't get the point. Chasing around a little ball, hitting the ball, and chasing it again. Wouldn't it be easier to just put it in your pocket, drive to the hole, drop it in and go to the next one? You could finish a round of eighteen in about 10 mins vs. 3 1/2 hours.
It's really about being out in nature, and taking out your frustration on that little white ball. Some people have Nike or Titlest or Maxfli printed on their balls. I sometimes will take a sharpie and write the boss's name, or the guy who cut me off, or even draw a little picture of something that made me angry that day on the ball. I think I even wrote $4.26 a gallon on one once. It's a form of therapy really.
I must say, golf is better played than watched. Golf on TV works better than Tylenol PM or Turkey at inducing sleep. Maybe it's the way the announcers "whisper" all the action. Why is that even? Are they afraid they are going to throw off the golfer who is teeing off 1000 yards from their truck if they talk normal? Do we even need play by play IN golf? It's GOLF, for par's sake. It's not horse racing! I think I could do without hearing about the choice of club, the lie of the green, or the wind speed while watching. It's not like I'M playing.


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