Monday, August 30, 2010

Memoir Monday: My Papaw

It's that time again.



Some things I remember about my Papaw Adams.

He was a little guy. Didn’t talk much, or at least not to me. He had been a coal miner and drunk early in his life, but after losing his leg in a mining accident and finding the Lord, he changed dramatically. I never knew him before his conversion. The man I knew was a Christian. I always found him very curious.

Guess you could say, I was constantly trying to figure him out. I remember that he loved giving gifts. He used to give me a new Lionel train set almost every year. He was constantly giving complete strangers money and stuff. He was also one of the only people I ever saw who could ruffle my dad’s feather in a way that crossed between fear/respect/intimidation/and discomfort. I liked it, because I recognized it as the same feelings that my dad generated in me.

He lived in Big Stone Gap, Virginia. He had 12 kids, 9 of them lived to adulthood. I don’t know a lot about his past, other than that his mother was a full-blooded Cherokee woman named Americas Reed. I believe his father had been a coal miner too.

Papaw had lots of quirks and odd behavior, at least in my Indiana-raised child mind. He would spend most of his day, after eating a huge breakfast that my Mamaw made every morning, sitting in his recliner reading his bible and napping. Or he would sit outside on his front porch in a chaise lounge doing the same. Occasionally, he would see a cat walk by and would call it up on the porch with a “Here Kitty, Kitty!” After petting it for a few minutes to get the cat off its guard, he would grab it by the tail and swing it over his head like a lasso, releasing it to fly through the air and landing somewhere in the yard down below.

Around noon, he would head to the kitchen for some cornbread, which he would dip in buttermilk. After his lunchtime snack, he would usually head out around town on his errands. He would swing by the post office, maybe stop at the Piggly-Wiggly, or just see some old friends. He occasionally would let me tag along. I remember that one guy he met up with had lost his leg in a mining accident too, but it was the other leg. Since Papaw and this man had the same size foot, they would often split a new pair of shoes.

In the evening, it was more napping or bible reading. Occasionally, you would hear Papaw break into a gospel hymn, or maybe just hum one.

I also remember that he used to say stuff that cracked me up. Like when he sneezed, he would do so loudly with the following, “A-Chew, Mountain Dew, The sky Is Blue!” or some such saying.

He addressed me, and most males, as “Hey Boy!” and would follow it with “Boy!” repeatedly until he got your attention. Except for my dad. He referred to him as “Axel grease!” I am pretty sure this was because my dad always worked on cars. In fact, my dad had always been one to hang around garages. He used to get in trouble growing up, because instead of working in the family’s garden with the other kids during the day, he would run off to the local garage and help work on cars. After he got out of the Marines, my Papaw got him a job in the coal mines. Dad quit after 2 weeks and left to go work in a factory.

Papaw had heart trouble and Black lung, from his years in the mines. Later in life, he had a stroke which paralyzed half his body. I used to stretch and exercise his arm and hand when we would visit. At first, he wasn’t much interested in me helping him, but I think he noticed the improvement afterwards and eventually would ask me to whenever we would go visit.

I also remember Papaw being quite the ladies man. When I would go with him to the hospital or doctors office, he was always bringing the nurses flowers and offering them chewing gum.

It seemed everybody knew Papaw and genuinely liked him, as they would affectionately great him with a “Hey Willy!” or “Good Morning, Bill!” or even “Great to see you, Mr. Adams!”

Occasionally, my family would take my grandparents on trips with us. Now, the thing about traveling with my dad was, we knew that he would stop at EVERY SINGLE Truckstop for coffee. Not coffee to go, but the kind where you go inside, the waitress pours you a cup, you flirt with the waitress, talk to the truckers around you, have another cup, more talking, etc. Normal stop time was at least an hour, maybe two. Papaw never had much patience, especially for this sort of thing. On one trip, after telling my dad to come on, waiting in the car for awhile, and telling the rest of us we should go tell him it was time to go, Papaw walked in and put the curved handle part of his cane around my dad’s neck in an attempt to drag him out. That’s one of the few times I remember my dad THAT pissed. It embarrassed him.

On one of our other trips, we took them to Silver Dollar City (now called Dollywood), in Gaitlenburg, TN. It was after Papaw’s stroke, so he didn’t walk well. Not that he did before, since he only had one leg. But he was refusing to be pushed around in a wheel chair. Anyway, we rented him one of those electric scooters thingies to drive around on. Turns out, he wasn’t the best scooter driver either. Within 5 mins, he went careening through a crowd of spectators that were watching an outdoor program and crashed into the stage, collapsing half of it, and spilling the kids that were performing some clog dancing routine on stage onto their butts. He ended up getting pushed around in a wheelchair after that.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Decisions Decisions

Okay folks.

So, in my pursuit of fulfilling a lifelong dream of making people laugh in 3 to 5 minute increments, I have begun writing my stand-up comedy set.

So far, I have 2 bits.

One on e-mail.

And one on homeless people. (It’s not like they’ll be at the show.)

I am also toying with the idea of using some of those odd questions that I’ve asked on the blog before.

I hate repeats, but several people have suggested using stuff from the blog.

Tell me what your favorite post of mine was.

Also…

Here are the three comedy clubs with open mic nights in my area:

1. Crackers Comedy Club, Indianapolis, IN
2. Snickerz Comedy Club, Fort Wayne, IN
3. Wiley’s Comedy Club, Dayton, OH

Does one club look better than the other?

Monday, August 23, 2010

I'm Going For It! or Cancer is a Dick!

So, I am thinking of doing stand-up.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always thought about it.

It been number 3 on my “List of Things I Want to Be When I Grow Up” since I was about 5 years old.

See:

         1. Doctor
         2. Archaeologist
         3. Actor/Comedian/Thousandaire/Porn Star/Adventurer/Zoo Keeper

As you can see, number 3 is a catchall.

Silly 5 year old.

Like I said, it’s always been something I wanted to do.

I was the class clown in school. The incredibly sexy class clown, I might add. <-----lie

It’s like the reason I started this blog, I enjoy making (or trying to make) people laugh.

All my life, I have rarely been in a situation where I didn’t try to find the humor in it.

It’s how I handle stress.

But, I never really knew if I was funny enough for stand-up.

Maybe I am just goofy. A lot of people are goofy.

Maybe I am just witty. A lot of people are witty.

Maybe I am just a smartass. A lot of 13 year/olds are smartasses.

I just wasn’t sure of myself.

I knew I often made people laugh with my jokes and snide comments.

And it seemed to be happening more frequent the older I got.

But I guess I still had doubts.

Maybe my shyness/stage fright from childhood still plagued me.

Regardless, I needed to find an avenue to test and polish my craft.

Since Blogging is more sit down than stand-up, it let me test the waters and build up my confidence.

The feedback I’ve gotten from you people over the last year has given me that.

There are some funny people out there in Blogland.

Recently, I watched (from a distance) Travis go for it.

He made his first attempt at stand-up at a local club during open mic.

And he survived.

AND and people laughed.

That pretty much convinced me to try.

Well that and my mom finding out she probably has cancer.

They are still running tests (prayers are appreciated), but it doesn’t look good so far.

Cancer is an asshole.

“Hey Cancer, lay off my mom! I just got off yours!”

That situation has made me realize, AGAIN, just how fleeting life is.

We only get so much time on this rock, before the Man upstairs pulls out the rug.

So quit stalling and wasting what little time you have.

“Just Do It!”----Nike (famous footwear philosopher)

So now I’m off to write actual jokes.

And clean ones too, since I want my mom to be there to see me do it.

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