Russian scientists expect to meet aliens by 2031
Ha! NOT with THEIR space program.
Woman sprays police with breast milk
Some lady in Ohio got mad at police during a traffic stop. When they tried to remove her from the vehicle, she announced that she was a nursing mother, exposed her breasts, and squirted milk at one of the officers.
She was arrested for carrying WML’s.
Weapons of Mass Lactation.
Scantily dressed visitors must cover up to see Rikers inmates
No skimpy outfits for visitors to Rikers Island.
Scantily clad visitors are required to put on a drab XXL T-shirt before being admitted as visitors.
Turns out it was making the prison bitches jealous.
Botox and texting may not mix
Some 15 year old girl got Botox in her HANDS because she had sweaty palms. The sweat was interfering with her texting ability.
The botox blocked the nerve signals to the sweat glands in her hands.
It also blocked the nerve signals to her texting fingers.
She couldn’t text for 6 weeks.
North Korea blame loss to U.S. on players getting struck by lightning
Not surprising. They ARE the land of excuses and tiny dictators.
Wrongly pronounced dead woman dies of shock at own funeral
Some lady in Russia was pronounced dead from a heart attack, only to wake up in a coffin surrounded by mourners at her funeral.
She freaked out, had another heart attack, and died.
Her husband said, “This time, she’s dead for good.” He sounds so distraught.
If death don’t kill you, the funeral will.
Ring turns up 51 years after was flushed down toilet
This was actually a cute story.
From South Carolina, a guy who graduated in 1962 was reunited with his class ring.
He had given it to his girlfriend at the time, who accidentally dropped it in her toilet mid-flush.
She panicked and had her dad call a plumber, who removed the toilet and snaked the drain, only to pronounce the ring a “goner”.
Recently, a city worker fixing a busted storm drain found the ring, took it to a jeweler, got the ring cleaned, and tracked down the old dude it belonged to.
The best part?
The old guy gave the ring back to the girl who had flushed it.
She’s been his wife since 1964.